I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
