Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
