I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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