I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
