i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
