You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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