the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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