I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
