Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
