there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Terrible idea I love it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
