dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
