allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
