People with herpes should wear stickers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
