I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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