he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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