i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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