I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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