Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
