Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
