And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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