my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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