Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
