Yo dont text me then not text me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
