Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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