I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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