Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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