well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am mentally ready for anal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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