do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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