just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
