Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
