I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
