he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
