I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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