her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I look better un-naked...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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