I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
