C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
