Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
