Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
