Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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