apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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