Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This baby is an asshole
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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