Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
