I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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