Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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