You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
