I didn't shave. On purpose
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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