no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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