Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
