She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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