Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
