I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
