I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
