the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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