Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it because I queefed?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
