She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
