dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
