found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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