I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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