She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
