fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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