Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
