I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
