3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you.
Bad choice
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
