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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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