I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
